Political Humor!

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"Life in Red River County!!"

1.   If you find yourself in a place without sunshine, you are

      definitely in Red River County!

2.   On the other hand, you have different fingers!

3.    99.999% of all statistics are made up by the Sheriff's

       Department on the spot!

4.    99% of defense lawyers give the rest a bad name by sleeping

       with the enemy,  literally.

5.    50% of the people you know are below average, except

       when they are a politicians, then it's 100%.

6.    If you are an outsider, and purchase land it's appraised

       value jumps from $350.00 per acre to $2,800.00 per acre

       immediately.

7.    He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

8.    The early bird may get the worm, but the second rat

       crawls over the dead one to steal the cheese from the trap!

9.    Bacteria are the only culture some people have.

10.  A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

11.  No one can define the word "Change" except when it comes

       to money.

12.  If you think nobody cares, try missing a payment on

       anything.

13.  Laziness pay's off now, hard work in the future.

14.  Buzzards may soar, but law enforcement doesn't get sucked

       into jet engines.

15.  You don't get the chance to be scared 1/2 to death.

16.  If government and law enforcement didn't suck, we would all

       fall off the face of the earth.

17.  The breathalyzer is even intoxicated.

18.  The urine specimen you provide may not be yours.

19.  Light travels faster than sound, that is why some people

       appear bright till they open their mouth.

20.  If you aren't in Possession of Methamphetamine the Sheriff's

       department will provide you with some!

21.  If you are a woman wearing handcuffs it is a sure sign you are

       asking for sex!!!

22.  Rapist are "Civil Rights Violators!"

23.  They won't  take the former "Sheriff" Possum hunting

       because they are afraid someone will mistake him for one!

24.  There is only one attorney that qualifies as being "Slicker 

       than Bus Station Chili" and Number 4 doesn't apply!

25.  Life isn't like a box of Chocolates, it's like a jar of jalapeņos,

       even if you don't eat them, the "VV Express" will burn your

       ass with them tomorrow!!!